A year ago I was broken, dry and empty. My hopes for embryo adoption shattered by an early miscarriage, I was deeply sad. During those first few months, I felt like all I could do was rest in the shadow of my heavenly Father's wings. I cried a lot and clung to God's promise to complete a good work in me. We really didn't know if we would ever adopt embryos again, but I felt like God's words to us would not return void.
Today, I am 20 weeks, 3 days pregnant with our precious son and daughter! At a very unexpected time in April, we got a phone call from our clinic in California asking if we were interested in an embryo profile. To make a long story short, we prayed about it and it felt right, even though the timing was so crazy! July 10th we were in California for the transfer. Everything has gone well and both babies are growing and healthy!
Friday, November 9, 2012
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Update
Since my last post, things haven't been exactly peachy. My blood test results continued to show my beta hCG levels dropping to zero. For our own need of certainty before pulling the plug by ceasing hormone treatment, I had an ultrasound on Monday to see if either embryo was still in my uterus. For a brief and scary moment, the ultrasound technician though that she saw an embryo growing on my ovary. After consulting the Radiologist, it was determined to be just a cyst. I stopped taking hormone injections and am still waiting for the inevitable flow to start.
As usual, I did some research on the internet about ectopic pregnancies and found that there is a higher occurrence following FET because the embryos are put into the uterus in an upward direction and can by their momentum move up the fallopian tube. 98% of ectopics are tubal pregnancies, attaching to the inside of the fallopian tube. 2% are ovarian or abdominal pregnancies, attaching to an ovary or somewhere inside the abdomen. These pregnancies are considered to be not viable because they often cause internal bleeding when the baby grows big enough to burst the fallopian tube causing internal bleeding which is often fatal to the mother. In rare cases, a mother has risked all odds and delivered a healthy baby by cesarean section; women like this will forever be my heroes! Medical science does not consider this to be heroic, but foolish. I am inspired women who are convicted that a baby is worth risking all for!
Time is slowly healing my heartache. We are praying for direction on what God has for us next. We still have hope. God has blessed us with the beautiful family that we already have and so far we all still have room in our hearts for more. We will see where that leads. Thank you for all your prayers, we have surely felt them!
As usual, I did some research on the internet about ectopic pregnancies and found that there is a higher occurrence following FET because the embryos are put into the uterus in an upward direction and can by their momentum move up the fallopian tube. 98% of ectopics are tubal pregnancies, attaching to the inside of the fallopian tube. 2% are ovarian or abdominal pregnancies, attaching to an ovary or somewhere inside the abdomen. These pregnancies are considered to be not viable because they often cause internal bleeding when the baby grows big enough to burst the fallopian tube causing internal bleeding which is often fatal to the mother. In rare cases, a mother has risked all odds and delivered a healthy baby by cesarean section; women like this will forever be my heroes! Medical science does not consider this to be heroic, but foolish. I am inspired women who are convicted that a baby is worth risking all for!
Time is slowly healing my heartache. We are praying for direction on what God has for us next. We still have hope. God has blessed us with the beautiful family that we already have and so far we all still have room in our hearts for more. We will see where that leads. Thank you for all your prayers, we have surely felt them!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Pain Chronicles
For the record, I was blissfully pregnant for 2 weeks. We loved and talked to our babies every day. We prayed for them and blessed them, our kids frequently kissed and talked to my tummy.
Tomorrow morning I will call the clinic for my blood test results, maybe for the last time. Mondays blood test indicated that the embryos have stopped growing. Today's blood test is most likely going to confirm that outcome.
Half of me wants to believe that a radical miracle will take place in my body, the other half of me wants to assume the fetal position and try to recover from the crushing pain.
I know that the hardest part is ahead of me and I lack the strength to walk it out. I trust that God will not leave me; His grace is sufficient for even this.
Tomorrow morning I will call the clinic for my blood test results, maybe for the last time. Mondays blood test indicated that the embryos have stopped growing. Today's blood test is most likely going to confirm that outcome.
Half of me wants to believe that a radical miracle will take place in my body, the other half of me wants to assume the fetal position and try to recover from the crushing pain.
I know that the hardest part is ahead of me and I lack the strength to walk it out. I trust that God will not leave me; His grace is sufficient for even this.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Due Date
Now that I'm actually pregnant, I have a great responsibility to grow these babies well! I have been on prenatal Vitamins and Folic Acid for 6 months already to make sure my body has the nutrients it will need for the job. Steve and I enjoy an evening walk a couple times a week and I keep flexible with a yoga type stretching routine.
Lately I have found that I really enjoy porridge with dates and walnuts in it for breakfast. I have switched to herbal teas and an occasional decaf coffee. I can't get enough cranberry juice and occasionally drink it out of a wine glass!
My pre-pregnant weight was 137lbs. I won't post before and after pictures, that would just be embarrassing! I may post the odd belly picture when I actually have a cute baby bump!
I'll be 5 weeks pregnant tomorrow which gives me a due date of July 1st.
Lately I have found that I really enjoy porridge with dates and walnuts in it for breakfast. I have switched to herbal teas and an occasional decaf coffee. I can't get enough cranberry juice and occasionally drink it out of a wine glass!
My pre-pregnant weight was 137lbs. I won't post before and after pictures, that would just be embarrassing! I may post the odd belly picture when I actually have a cute baby bump!
I'll be 5 weeks pregnant tomorrow which gives me a due date of July 1st.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Breaking News
I know all you want to hear about is the results of the test, but first I'm going to tell you about my week! It was an emotional roller coaster as I assessed signs and symptoms wondering what they meant! I felt really tired all the time and my swollen and sore mammary glands were indicators that the tests would be positive. I was also experiencing frequent abdominal cramping which was making me fairly nervous, and several times I thought for sure I would start spotting at any minute. The emotional roller coaster was the hardest. I thought the situation out from every angle, trying to be positive, but not wanting to be too confident in case the letdown was severe.
As a non patient person, I couldn't wait for a blood test, I had to pee on a stick! Monday, single pink line: negative. Tuesday, faintest little barely there, hint of a second line: does it count? Wednesday, same phantom line.....
Wednesday I went to see my Doctor to get a requisition for the BhCG tests. He made it out for twice a week for as long as I want so I can observe the increase of the hCG hormones as the pregnancy progresses. The appointment wasn't over until noon so I missed the lab by 12 minutes. I went in first thing Thursday morning for the blood test; knowing I wouldn't get the result till later that day or the next. I don't like waiting! Another pee test, two pink lines! Yes, there were definitely two!
This morning I got the results of the blood test; beta hCG count 7.5; anything over 5 is positive!
So there you have it, whoohoo!!
As a non patient person, I couldn't wait for a blood test, I had to pee on a stick! Monday, single pink line: negative. Tuesday, faintest little barely there, hint of a second line: does it count? Wednesday, same phantom line.....
Wednesday I went to see my Doctor to get a requisition for the BhCG tests. He made it out for twice a week for as long as I want so I can observe the increase of the hCG hormones as the pregnancy progresses. The appointment wasn't over until noon so I missed the lab by 12 minutes. I went in first thing Thursday morning for the blood test; knowing I wouldn't get the result till later that day or the next. I don't like waiting! Another pee test, two pink lines! Yes, there were definitely two!
This morning I got the results of the blood test; beta hCG count 7.5; anything over 5 is positive!
So there you have it, whoohoo!!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
The Waiting Game
It is so nice to be home with our family! The kids are so excited; they talk to my belly all the time!
The 28th of October is the day I am supposed to have a blood pregnancy test to find out for sure if the babies are growing. It will be interesting because I can't get in with my Dr. to get a requisition for a beta hCG, so I will have to take whoever I can get; always a little unnerving. Not to mention the results of the test!
Just because I feel like I have to do something to improve my chances of pregnancy, I have been reading books and magazines on the subject, as if it will help. I have noticed that my bladder needs to be emptied regularly or risk embarrassment! My breasts are growing and tender again and I have had the painful stretching sensations in my abdomen that seems to indicate that my uterus is growing. We are hopeful and praying for the babies to grow healthy and strong. Nothing to do now except wait.....
The 28th of October is the day I am supposed to have a blood pregnancy test to find out for sure if the babies are growing. It will be interesting because I can't get in with my Dr. to get a requisition for a beta hCG, so I will have to take whoever I can get; always a little unnerving. Not to mention the results of the test!
Just because I feel like I have to do something to improve my chances of pregnancy, I have been reading books and magazines on the subject, as if it will help. I have noticed that my bladder needs to be emptied regularly or risk embarrassment! My breasts are growing and tender again and I have had the painful stretching sensations in my abdomen that seems to indicate that my uterus is growing. We are hopeful and praying for the babies to grow healthy and strong. Nothing to do now except wait.....
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Babies on Board!
Yesterday our appointment went well. We arrived at the clinic at 3:15. I had a few papers to sign and then we waited. When it was our turn to go in, Steve and I went through the door, down a long hallway to a treatment room at the end. There was a chair for Steve, a treatment bed and gown for me, an ultrasound machine and a tiny window to the lab where our embryos would be passed through.
The nurse gave us the aftercare instructions; basically to keep taking the hormone injections until the pregnancy test and then if it is positive, to keep taking them for a few months. I am also to be on bed rest for 2 days, no baths for a week, no sex until preg test and no pushing, pulling or heavy lifting. Dr. Kumar came by to meet us while we waited for the Embryologist.
Next, the Embryologist came in with pictures of the Embryos. They are 5 day Embryos (as opposed to 3 day; which are also commonly transferred) which means that they are more developed and have a higher rate of attachment to the uterine wall. She showed us in the photos how one of the Embryos was just exactly how they would like to see it. She described it as 100%. The other one she said was only 50% and explained how the cells were not responding as well. She suggested though the one didn't appear to be strong, we still had one Embryo that showed promise. I looked at Steve, then told the Embryologist that we would be transferring both Embryos to my womb, because they would both have every chance of life that we could give them. She changed the 1 to a 2 on our paperwork, and I signed it, initialling the spot that said there was a chance of twins!
Steve and I prayed for our Embryos again. We prayed that both Embryos would thrive, but that above all, God's will would be done. As I lay there waiting for the Doctor to come in for the transfer, I reflected back on the process that had gotten us to this point. I thought about the Legal Adoption papers that had gotten lost in the mail then found at the last minute. I remembered that my ultrasounds almost didn't take place and I had to travel so far to get them. I thought about my medication stuck at the border and how I was told that customs would not clear it for me and yet they did! I thought about my last week at home, trying desperately to track down my blood test results so we could go ahead with the transfer and how they were elusive even till 9:30 pm on Friday night before we were scheduled to fly! I considered all of these things and they greatly increased my faith for our second little Embryo that was showing weak signs of life. Maybe I needed all those trials along the way to remind me that my God is AWESOME and nothing is to big or to small for Him!
When Dr. Kumar came in for the transfer, he explained the steps of the procedure to us. The nurse used the abdominal ultrasound so we could all see when was happening. The Dr. rinsed the cervix and cleared away the mucous plug to access the uterus. Then when he was ready, he had the Embryologist pass the Embryos in though the little window from the lab. The Embryos were in a long syringe which he passed up into my uterus. When he had it in the top portion of my uterus, he placed the Embryos in my womb. The syringe was passed back to the lab to be sure that neither of the embryos were retained and when the Embryologist said "clear" the transfer was complete!
Dr. Kumar gave Steve an ultrasound picture of the Embryos in my womb, though you can only see the carrier fluid that they are in. I was instructed to remain completely relaxed, which wasn't a problem because they had given me Valium earlier. They tucked me in with a nice warm blanket and we waited there for 20 minutes. Then the nurse cam back to take me to the bathroom, which was a relief because my bladder was incredibly full! Dr. Kumar came and told us that he was extremely happy with the way everything had gone. He said that the rules for my next few weeks are; No mental or emotional stress, no physical stress, no decreases in caloric intake/no dieting. I got wheelchair treatment all the way out and Steve bought the car around to the front door. I slept all the way back to Altadena. We stopped at The Cheesecake Factory and bought a white chocolate raspberry cheesecake to make sure that I had enough calories for the day!
The nurse gave us the aftercare instructions; basically to keep taking the hormone injections until the pregnancy test and then if it is positive, to keep taking them for a few months. I am also to be on bed rest for 2 days, no baths for a week, no sex until preg test and no pushing, pulling or heavy lifting. Dr. Kumar came by to meet us while we waited for the Embryologist.
Next, the Embryologist came in with pictures of the Embryos. They are 5 day Embryos (as opposed to 3 day; which are also commonly transferred) which means that they are more developed and have a higher rate of attachment to the uterine wall. She showed us in the photos how one of the Embryos was just exactly how they would like to see it. She described it as 100%. The other one she said was only 50% and explained how the cells were not responding as well. She suggested though the one didn't appear to be strong, we still had one Embryo that showed promise. I looked at Steve, then told the Embryologist that we would be transferring both Embryos to my womb, because they would both have every chance of life that we could give them. She changed the 1 to a 2 on our paperwork, and I signed it, initialling the spot that said there was a chance of twins!
Steve and I prayed for our Embryos again. We prayed that both Embryos would thrive, but that above all, God's will would be done. As I lay there waiting for the Doctor to come in for the transfer, I reflected back on the process that had gotten us to this point. I thought about the Legal Adoption papers that had gotten lost in the mail then found at the last minute. I remembered that my ultrasounds almost didn't take place and I had to travel so far to get them. I thought about my medication stuck at the border and how I was told that customs would not clear it for me and yet they did! I thought about my last week at home, trying desperately to track down my blood test results so we could go ahead with the transfer and how they were elusive even till 9:30 pm on Friday night before we were scheduled to fly! I considered all of these things and they greatly increased my faith for our second little Embryo that was showing weak signs of life. Maybe I needed all those trials along the way to remind me that my God is AWESOME and nothing is to big or to small for Him!
When Dr. Kumar came in for the transfer, he explained the steps of the procedure to us. The nurse used the abdominal ultrasound so we could all see when was happening. The Dr. rinsed the cervix and cleared away the mucous plug to access the uterus. Then when he was ready, he had the Embryologist pass the Embryos in though the little window from the lab. The Embryos were in a long syringe which he passed up into my uterus. When he had it in the top portion of my uterus, he placed the Embryos in my womb. The syringe was passed back to the lab to be sure that neither of the embryos were retained and when the Embryologist said "clear" the transfer was complete!
Dr. Kumar gave Steve an ultrasound picture of the Embryos in my womb, though you can only see the carrier fluid that they are in. I was instructed to remain completely relaxed, which wasn't a problem because they had given me Valium earlier. They tucked me in with a nice warm blanket and we waited there for 20 minutes. Then the nurse cam back to take me to the bathroom, which was a relief because my bladder was incredibly full! Dr. Kumar came and told us that he was extremely happy with the way everything had gone. He said that the rules for my next few weeks are; No mental or emotional stress, no physical stress, no decreases in caloric intake/no dieting. I got wheelchair treatment all the way out and Steve bought the car around to the front door. I slept all the way back to Altadena. We stopped at The Cheesecake Factory and bought a white chocolate raspberry cheesecake to make sure that I had enough calories for the day!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Sunny California
I wake up this morning and my first thought is, "I'm getting pregnant today!" Then I think, "Oh, yeah, Steve has to give me a needle first."
We are staying in Altadena, about an hour from our clinic. The nurse called me yesterday to give me instructions prior to our appointment at 4:00pm today. We are to arrive at 3:15 so I can take a Valium and they can give us an orientation on the procedure. I am told that the Valium is to make sure that I am completely relaxed for the transfer. I am supposed to wear comfortable clothes and have my bladder comfortably full. When everything is ready, the embryos will be thawed just prior to the transfer.
I will be pregnant when I leave the clinic! I am to be on bed rest for the next two days, so that should be interesting. I feel more anxious about laying around than for the transfer itself! I guess I need to learn to relax; Usually there is always something that I need to get done!
This morning we are going to relax and see the area. It is supposed to be 85 degrees today; I can live with that! It is beautiful here. Palm trees line some of the streets. It feels like another world. I'd like to spend some time sitting in front of a cafe watching people walk by. I don't know if that qualifies as an activity that I can do on bed rest; I'll have to find out what the rules are.
Next time I blog I'll be pregnant!
We are staying in Altadena, about an hour from our clinic. The nurse called me yesterday to give me instructions prior to our appointment at 4:00pm today. We are to arrive at 3:15 so I can take a Valium and they can give us an orientation on the procedure. I am told that the Valium is to make sure that I am completely relaxed for the transfer. I am supposed to wear comfortable clothes and have my bladder comfortably full. When everything is ready, the embryos will be thawed just prior to the transfer.
I will be pregnant when I leave the clinic! I am to be on bed rest for the next two days, so that should be interesting. I feel more anxious about laying around than for the transfer itself! I guess I need to learn to relax; Usually there is always something that I need to get done!
This morning we are going to relax and see the area. It is supposed to be 85 degrees today; I can live with that! It is beautiful here. Palm trees line some of the streets. It feels like another world. I'd like to spend some time sitting in front of a cafe watching people walk by. I don't know if that qualifies as an activity that I can do on bed rest; I'll have to find out what the rules are.
Next time I blog I'll be pregnant!
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Packing our bags!
Just wrapping up all the last minute things on my to-do list before going to bed. Tomorrow we head for California and on Monday at 4:00 p.m., the long awaited, greatly anticipated Embryo transfer!
My Doc phoned at 9:30 p.m. last night to say that the lab had my results and had faxed them on to the clinic in California. He was also going to fax them to be sure that they received them! Nothing like waiting till the last minute!
My children are looking forward to a week with Dad/Uncle Kevin while we are away. We spent the past week making the house tidy and baking bread and cookies for lunches so they would be ready for school on time.
I am looking forward to some time alone with my husband, even if I will be on bed rest for half the time! Hopefully he is up to babysitting me!
I have not enjoyed my daily needles much; it puts a damper on waking up in the morning when I realize that I need to have Steve give me a shot before work! The Progesterone makes me thirsty, tired, nauseous and ready to cry at any given moment. Steve's feels more sorry for himself that he has to give me a needle than he feels for me to have to receive it! I think he's a little confused.
I was concerned about loosing my baggage on one of our flights and being without my hormones so I looked into Airline policies and found out that I should carry it on. Seems kinda fishy that I can walk onto a plane with needles, syringes and injectable meds, but as long as I carry the prescription with me, I am fine. I also learned that each passenger is entitled to one book of matches, though I won't be bringing any.
Praying for our babies to both thaw safely and thrive in my womb!
My Doc phoned at 9:30 p.m. last night to say that the lab had my results and had faxed them on to the clinic in California. He was also going to fax them to be sure that they received them! Nothing like waiting till the last minute!
My children are looking forward to a week with Dad/Uncle Kevin while we are away. We spent the past week making the house tidy and baking bread and cookies for lunches so they would be ready for school on time.
I am looking forward to some time alone with my husband, even if I will be on bed rest for half the time! Hopefully he is up to babysitting me!
I have not enjoyed my daily needles much; it puts a damper on waking up in the morning when I realize that I need to have Steve give me a shot before work! The Progesterone makes me thirsty, tired, nauseous and ready to cry at any given moment. Steve's feels more sorry for himself that he has to give me a needle than he feels for me to have to receive it! I think he's a little confused.
I was concerned about loosing my baggage on one of our flights and being without my hormones so I looked into Airline policies and found out that I should carry it on. Seems kinda fishy that I can walk onto a plane with needles, syringes and injectable meds, but as long as I carry the prescription with me, I am fine. I also learned that each passenger is entitled to one book of matches, though I won't be bringing any.
Praying for our babies to both thaw safely and thrive in my womb!
Monday, October 10, 2011
Trouble with blood tests
Any couple receiving donated Embryos for transfer must have blood tests to screen for any disease that can be transmitted inutero. I, of course, have had these blood tests. The problem is, only half of the results have made it to our clinic! The FDA requires the clinic to have these results before they can legally do the Embryo transfer. Needless to say, I will be on the phone to our Doctors office at 8 a.m. tomorrow morning to inquire after the whereabouts of these results! Praying that they have them and it is only a matter of forwarding the information to California.
Speaking of blood tests, I received an email from our clinic in California informing me that the couple donating the embryos were in this morning having blood tests that are required for them to donate their Embryos! Apparently, these tests were never done when they did invitro because they did not intend to donate the remaining embryos at that time. I fact, as the adoptive parents of these embryos, we are responsible for all costs incurred from here on in and so there is a bill of $500 for the genetic parents' blood tests this morning.
I guess I just need to smile since this is what is is like to be a parent. Aw, my Embryos are having unexpected expenses already! Just like the rest of my kids, and they will be costing me money for the rest of their lives! Lol, like all the other hitches, I'm sure God can work these things out.
I am happy to report that my acne is clearing up. Tonight I have an estrogen shot and tomorrow morning I have my first daily progesterone shot; daily needles for the next couple months!
So, if you want to join me in praying this week, I am praying for test results to appear, finances to work out and for all the travel preparations.
Speaking of blood tests, I received an email from our clinic in California informing me that the couple donating the embryos were in this morning having blood tests that are required for them to donate their Embryos! Apparently, these tests were never done when they did invitro because they did not intend to donate the remaining embryos at that time. I fact, as the adoptive parents of these embryos, we are responsible for all costs incurred from here on in and so there is a bill of $500 for the genetic parents' blood tests this morning.
I guess I just need to smile since this is what is is like to be a parent. Aw, my Embryos are having unexpected expenses already! Just like the rest of my kids, and they will be costing me money for the rest of their lives! Lol, like all the other hitches, I'm sure God can work these things out.
I am happy to report that my acne is clearing up. Tonight I have an estrogen shot and tomorrow morning I have my first daily progesterone shot; daily needles for the next couple months!
So, if you want to join me in praying this week, I am praying for test results to appear, finances to work out and for all the travel preparations.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
tears at the ready
Back home again after 5 days in Kamloops! I had Ultrasound and hormone measuring blood test appointments in Kelowna on Monday and Friday; they both went well. My Endometrium is developing very well and we are on track for the Embryo transfer on the 17th.
On Thursday I had the experience of giving myself an injection. I choose to do it in the thigh so I could see what I was doing. I had two spectators (sister-in-laws) who were as nervous I as was! It helped that they were watching because I had to be extra brave and just get it done! I was shaking like a leaf, but I managed and it was a success. It was actually one of the less painful ones so far. My next injection is Monday and I sart daily progesterone injections the next day, so I'm going to have to get used to those needles! Have I mentioned that they are 1.5" long and I have to put them all the way in?!
Steve had said that I could buy a nice pair of boots to help me be brave for the injections. When I was in Kamloops I went on several boot shopping excursions. If you knew how strongly my decision was based in my emotions, you could probably have a good laugh at my expense! At one point of the boot journey, I returned to Winners in Kelowna to purchase a great pair I had found there earlier. They were gone and I had a good cry in the truck on my way back to Kamloops! Haha! I ended up with a great pair from Aldo in the mall in Kamloops; you can check them out next time you see me. I assure you, they will deffinitly help me to be brave for the weeks of daily needles that I have ahead of me!
Tuesday afternoon I booked our flights for the trip. We fly out of Prince George at 11:30 a.m. on the 16th and return at 9:56 a.m. on the 21st. We will be staying with good friends of good friends while we are there; a blessing to be sure! We got a great deal on a rental car through our airline so we will have convenient transportation while in California. Kevin is comming here to stay with the kids and I am busily trying to have bread and cookies in the freezer to prepare for that week.
As always, I have great need of prayer; this time for blood test results that never made it to our clinic. It is a legal requirement of the FDA that any woman having an embryo transfer (even when it is their own embryo created through in vitro) must have blood tests to screen for STDs since they can be transmitted inutero. I had these blood tests done over a month ago. the problem is, only half of the results made it to the clinic. Tuesday morning I will be contacting the clinic to inquire about the whereabouts of the rest of the results. The tranfer will not happen without the results. I am trusting God for a timely solution!
I am getting very excited about the upcomming adventure! With an abundance of hormones, tears are always at the ready! If you see me crying, just pretend that its normal!
On Thursday I had the experience of giving myself an injection. I choose to do it in the thigh so I could see what I was doing. I had two spectators (sister-in-laws) who were as nervous I as was! It helped that they were watching because I had to be extra brave and just get it done! I was shaking like a leaf, but I managed and it was a success. It was actually one of the less painful ones so far. My next injection is Monday and I sart daily progesterone injections the next day, so I'm going to have to get used to those needles! Have I mentioned that they are 1.5" long and I have to put them all the way in?!
Steve had said that I could buy a nice pair of boots to help me be brave for the injections. When I was in Kamloops I went on several boot shopping excursions. If you knew how strongly my decision was based in my emotions, you could probably have a good laugh at my expense! At one point of the boot journey, I returned to Winners in Kelowna to purchase a great pair I had found there earlier. They were gone and I had a good cry in the truck on my way back to Kamloops! Haha! I ended up with a great pair from Aldo in the mall in Kamloops; you can check them out next time you see me. I assure you, they will deffinitly help me to be brave for the weeks of daily needles that I have ahead of me!
Tuesday afternoon I booked our flights for the trip. We fly out of Prince George at 11:30 a.m. on the 16th and return at 9:56 a.m. on the 21st. We will be staying with good friends of good friends while we are there; a blessing to be sure! We got a great deal on a rental car through our airline so we will have convenient transportation while in California. Kevin is comming here to stay with the kids and I am busily trying to have bread and cookies in the freezer to prepare for that week.
As always, I have great need of prayer; this time for blood test results that never made it to our clinic. It is a legal requirement of the FDA that any woman having an embryo transfer (even when it is their own embryo created through in vitro) must have blood tests to screen for STDs since they can be transmitted inutero. I had these blood tests done over a month ago. the problem is, only half of the results made it to the clinic. Tuesday morning I will be contacting the clinic to inquire about the whereabouts of the rest of the results. The tranfer will not happen without the results. I am trusting God for a timely solution!
I am getting very excited about the upcomming adventure! With an abundance of hormones, tears are always at the ready! If you see me crying, just pretend that its normal!
Monday, October 3, 2011
2nd Ultrasound
I woke up this morning and discovered, to my great dismay, that my chest and back are covered in tiny whiteheads! Never in all my life have I had zits like this! The nurse at the Fertility clinic in Kelowna assured me that it was from the Estrogen and would improve once I start taking Progesterone on the 12th. The puking, she said, was from the estrogen as well.
My appointment went well! My endometrium is developing nicely and we are on track for the transfer on the 17th! Yay! Deep down I was nervous that my endometrium wasn't going to be doing what it was supposed to. I had the same kind of butterflies that you get at a job interview! As if i wasn't good enough for the job or something! Ha!
The Nurse from California touched base this afternoon to confirm that it all looked good. Tonight I am supposed to increase my estrogen shot from .2 ml to .3 ml; hope this doesn't increase the acne! so far my face looks ok, I might start wearing a scarf to hide my neck!
Another thing I have noticed is that random strangers annoy me. I overheard a lady fighting with her teenage son and I wanted to tell her to grow up! I did not. The guy at the sushi place was insanely slow and I felt like having a temper tantrum! I did not. These are just a few examples of noticing that I am annoyed at silly little things that normally don't phase me. So far, I have had the presence of mind to attribute my annoyance to hormones and not act on them! Grace, Lord! Please!
My appointment went well! My endometrium is developing nicely and we are on track for the transfer on the 17th! Yay! Deep down I was nervous that my endometrium wasn't going to be doing what it was supposed to. I had the same kind of butterflies that you get at a job interview! As if i wasn't good enough for the job or something! Ha!
The Nurse from California touched base this afternoon to confirm that it all looked good. Tonight I am supposed to increase my estrogen shot from .2 ml to .3 ml; hope this doesn't increase the acne! so far my face looks ok, I might start wearing a scarf to hide my neck!
Another thing I have noticed is that random strangers annoy me. I overheard a lady fighting with her teenage son and I wanted to tell her to grow up! I did not. The guy at the sushi place was insanely slow and I felt like having a temper tantrum! I did not. These are just a few examples of noticing that I am annoyed at silly little things that normally don't phase me. So far, I have had the presence of mind to attribute my annoyance to hormones and not act on them! Grace, Lord! Please!
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
A new experience
Hormones are a mighty thing! I have noticed that they are affecting my appetite; I don't always feel hungry when I should and sometimes I'm ravenous not long after I have eaten. My dreams seem to be much more vivid too. Everyone knows that hormones can make a person really emotional, weepy or angry, but lately I have noticed that several situations that normally would have stressed me out have actually not bothered me at all; I feel unusually calm.
Morning sickness is a well known symptom of pregnancy that is related to hormone changes. With my other pregnancies, I often experienced morning sickness strictly as nausea, but never actually threw up. There was one time while I was pregnant with Eden that I kinda forced a puke, but it didn't help so I always avoided it after that.
This morning I was driving to Prince George for an appointment with the kids. As soon as I got into the vehicle, I became nauseated. It soon was obvious that I was going to be sick! I pulled over beside the road and chucked my breakfast into the ditch! It was rather embarrassing that cars slowed down as they drove by!
Hopefully this is an isolated experience that doesn't become a fad in the upcoming months as I find vomiting to be repulsive and actually think it quite sinful! Just kidding about the sinful part, but I do not appreciate surrendering my food to the ditch!
Morning sickness is a well known symptom of pregnancy that is related to hormone changes. With my other pregnancies, I often experienced morning sickness strictly as nausea, but never actually threw up. There was one time while I was pregnant with Eden that I kinda forced a puke, but it didn't help so I always avoided it after that.
This morning I was driving to Prince George for an appointment with the kids. As soon as I got into the vehicle, I became nauseated. It soon was obvious that I was going to be sick! I pulled over beside the road and chucked my breakfast into the ditch! It was rather embarrassing that cars slowed down as they drove by!
Hopefully this is an isolated experience that doesn't become a fad in the upcoming months as I find vomiting to be repulsive and actually think it quite sinful! Just kidding about the sinful part, but I do not appreciate surrendering my food to the ditch!
Big needles!
Did I mention that I have to take needles?! When I successfully retrieved my parcel from DHL, I opened the box to see the expensive medication that I had nearly lost in customs. I was a little chagrined to find 60x1.5" needles!
My first round of hormones is Delestrogen, administered as an intramuscular shot twice a week. In a week I add progesterone, also an intramuscular shot, daily for 10 weeks.
I can't say that I am entirely brave about the situation. I was feeling very nervous about the shots. I can't really give them to myself, as they need to go into my largest muscle, which you may know is my backside! Steve is very courageous and has agreed to give me the shots. My mommy was here on Monday, so she gave me the first one. Trained as a psychiatric nurse, it has been many years since she has given anyone a needle. She definitely has a soft touch and I didn't feel it much. Thursday I will find out if Steve is as talented!
My next two Ultrasounds are in Kelowna on the 3rd and 10th of October, so I have a bit more travelling to do. Thanking God for working everything out so far. Praying for more safe travels!
My first round of hormones is Delestrogen, administered as an intramuscular shot twice a week. In a week I add progesterone, also an intramuscular shot, daily for 10 weeks.
I can't say that I am entirely brave about the situation. I was feeling very nervous about the shots. I can't really give them to myself, as they need to go into my largest muscle, which you may know is my backside! Steve is very courageous and has agreed to give me the shots. My mommy was here on Monday, so she gave me the first one. Trained as a psychiatric nurse, it has been many years since she has given anyone a needle. She definitely has a soft touch and I didn't feel it much. Thursday I will find out if Steve is as talented!
My next two Ultrasounds are in Kelowna on the 3rd and 10th of October, so I have a bit more travelling to do. Thanking God for working everything out so far. Praying for more safe travels!
The many Adventures of Whinnie the Pooh
Hormone treatment is part of the preparations for an Embryo transfer. This treatment needs to be monitored by ultrasound and blood tests. When I saw my family Dr. several weeks ago, he said that this wouldn't be a problem and to let him know when the time came so he could make the arrangements. I tried to rebook with him right away, but he was booked until way past my cycle dates at the end of the month. I had to see another Dr. to book an ultrasound to get my baseline measurements of my endometrium. Unfortunately, the only Dr. I could get in to see was Dr. No; and there was no way he was going to even try to get me that ultrasound. His nurse of impossible solutions explained that protocol and wait lists wouldn't permit me to have an ultrasound for 3 weeks! Since in her narrow opinion, this was not an emergency, I would have to change my plans; as if in the future things would be any different!
I was not the least bit deterred! I told the nurse to stop telling me that I would have to change my plans because I would be having an ultrasound the next day regardless of her inability to help me! I made plans to leave right away and called the closest fertility clinic in Kelowna and booked a scan for 9 a.m. the next day! The kids and I travelled to Kamloops where they spent time with family while I went to Kelowna for a rather expensive appointment that took about 15 minutes!
Meanwhile, I had received a notice from DHL that my package containing my hormone medication was detained at customs in Richmond. I had filled out paperwork to have a Broker clear it for me and after several hours on the phone, i received an email from the Broker saying that the only way to clear my parcel was to come to Richmond and go through customs my self. They advised me that they were open till 6pm, so I left Kamloops right away. Upon my arrival, I was informed that the DHL customs staff had gone home and the Canadian customs office was also closed for the day. Not only that, but medication had not been allowed into Canada for 6 weeks due to stricter policies. I was told that I could stay if I wanted and try in the morning, but customs would most certainly deny my parcel and destroy the package. It was raining outside and I cried.
I didn't have enough time to get a Canadian prescription in time to start the medication on Monday. I had already paid for the medication, for shipping and to drive there to get it; re-purchasing the medication would have been a financial strain. This whole ordeal could set us back a month!
Steve was so supportive on the phone. He reassured me that staying the night and taking my chances with customs was what I really wanted to do. I phoned Rebekah Fulson and stayed the night at their place. I was so blessed to have a welcoming home with good friends, good food, a shower and she even gave me clean clothes to wear! I felt like the man on the road to Jericho. What a blessing!
All night I prayed for my medication to be released by customs in the morning. Many of my good friends also prayed for a miracle! By morning I had thought of every possible thing I could say; I knew that it wasn't something I could talk my way through. I prayed that God would speak on my behalf and that I wouldn't even have to convince anyone. I picked up my paperwork from DHL and headed over to customs. There was a lady at the counter who asked me a few questions. I hardly said anything at all. She told me that technically she is supposed to deny me access to my package, but under the circumstances, she was going to give me my medication! Yay! Thank you God! The DHL staff were quite shocked that I returned with a customs stamp to pick up my package!
New prayer requests are: mail doesn't seem to be working for me very well because the leagal paperwork that I sent to the clinic hasn't arrived yet. It is important that it gets there! Also, still waiting on Steve's last big Landscaping job to pay so I can book airplane tickets and pay the balance to the clinic for the procedure! After the miracles I've just shared, I shouldn't be worried at all! God can be trusted and I know that He will see this through!
I was not the least bit deterred! I told the nurse to stop telling me that I would have to change my plans because I would be having an ultrasound the next day regardless of her inability to help me! I made plans to leave right away and called the closest fertility clinic in Kelowna and booked a scan for 9 a.m. the next day! The kids and I travelled to Kamloops where they spent time with family while I went to Kelowna for a rather expensive appointment that took about 15 minutes!
Meanwhile, I had received a notice from DHL that my package containing my hormone medication was detained at customs in Richmond. I had filled out paperwork to have a Broker clear it for me and after several hours on the phone, i received an email from the Broker saying that the only way to clear my parcel was to come to Richmond and go through customs my self. They advised me that they were open till 6pm, so I left Kamloops right away. Upon my arrival, I was informed that the DHL customs staff had gone home and the Canadian customs office was also closed for the day. Not only that, but medication had not been allowed into Canada for 6 weeks due to stricter policies. I was told that I could stay if I wanted and try in the morning, but customs would most certainly deny my parcel and destroy the package. It was raining outside and I cried.
I didn't have enough time to get a Canadian prescription in time to start the medication on Monday. I had already paid for the medication, for shipping and to drive there to get it; re-purchasing the medication would have been a financial strain. This whole ordeal could set us back a month!
Steve was so supportive on the phone. He reassured me that staying the night and taking my chances with customs was what I really wanted to do. I phoned Rebekah Fulson and stayed the night at their place. I was so blessed to have a welcoming home with good friends, good food, a shower and she even gave me clean clothes to wear! I felt like the man on the road to Jericho. What a blessing!
All night I prayed for my medication to be released by customs in the morning. Many of my good friends also prayed for a miracle! By morning I had thought of every possible thing I could say; I knew that it wasn't something I could talk my way through. I prayed that God would speak on my behalf and that I wouldn't even have to convince anyone. I picked up my paperwork from DHL and headed over to customs. There was a lady at the counter who asked me a few questions. I hardly said anything at all. She told me that technically she is supposed to deny me access to my package, but under the circumstances, she was going to give me my medication! Yay! Thank you God! The DHL staff were quite shocked that I returned with a customs stamp to pick up my package!
New prayer requests are: mail doesn't seem to be working for me very well because the leagal paperwork that I sent to the clinic hasn't arrived yet. It is important that it gets there! Also, still waiting on Steve's last big Landscaping job to pay so I can book airplane tickets and pay the balance to the clinic for the procedure! After the miracles I've just shared, I shouldn't be worried at all! God can be trusted and I know that He will see this through!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Graduation!
I did it! I have completed all the many phases of Adoption paperwork!
When my sister was in the long phase of paperwork for their adoption, I observed that it was such a daunting task that I never thought I could take on. When the time came that we knew that God was calling us to adopt Embryos the North American way, I felt that He would give me the strength I needed. Sure enough, the paperwork nearly killed me! Relentless stages of paperwork came in waves! As usual, God was right and I was able to handle it. Now we are finished the paperwork and on to pills, needles, ultrasounds and blood tests!
We sent off the final paperwork to the Adoption agency and to the fertility clinic this week. As for mentioned, all there is left is hormone treatment to prepare for the Embryo transfer and preparing for the trip! The big event will happen on or around the 17th of October! This week will determine the final date (whatever day I get my period) and then I will book flights and book a rental car! We are staying with a good friend of a good friend; thank God for that! Not for sure yet, but it looks like Kevin will come stay with the kids while we are away. God works all things together for good for those that love Him! Hooray! All the pieces are fitting together!
When my sister was in the long phase of paperwork for their adoption, I observed that it was such a daunting task that I never thought I could take on. When the time came that we knew that God was calling us to adopt Embryos the North American way, I felt that He would give me the strength I needed. Sure enough, the paperwork nearly killed me! Relentless stages of paperwork came in waves! As usual, God was right and I was able to handle it. Now we are finished the paperwork and on to pills, needles, ultrasounds and blood tests!
We sent off the final paperwork to the Adoption agency and to the fertility clinic this week. As for mentioned, all there is left is hormone treatment to prepare for the Embryo transfer and preparing for the trip! The big event will happen on or around the 17th of October! This week will determine the final date (whatever day I get my period) and then I will book flights and book a rental car! We are staying with a good friend of a good friend; thank God for that! Not for sure yet, but it looks like Kevin will come stay with the kids while we are away. God works all things together for good for those that love Him! Hooray! All the pieces are fitting together!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Nesting
Nesting is the state of mind that a woman enters in the days or weeks before she gives birth to a new baby. It is our God given instinct to make a safe and happy environment in which we can nurture our growing baby. I don't know if it's instinct or just my awareness that I generally feel like a crippled old lady when I'm pregnant, due to sciatica, but I am experiencing pre-pregnancy nesting. I feel the urge to create a comfortable and relaxing environment in which I can nurture my children and my pregnant body while babies grow inside my belly. I have been engaging in deep cleansing exercises, reaching to the backs of closets and the depths of spare rooms! I have been regularly loading seldom used items into my vehicle to unload at the re-use shed and garbage dump! Ah, how satisfying to finally have organized space in my entrance and the blissful awareness of a dust-bunny-free bedroom.
In spite of all my efforts, I am very aware that it will be necessary for a renewed sense of nesting before I give birth. In the present, I will imagine that my hard work will last forever!
In spite of all my efforts, I am very aware that it will be necessary for a renewed sense of nesting before I give birth. In the present, I will imagine that my hard work will last forever!
Friday, September 9, 2011
Date
I have a lovely little bruise on my arm from the blood tests today. A reminder of all the not so fun medical stuff that will come with pregnancy. So far it was just routine tests; once I start taking estrogen I will have weekly ultrasounds and blood tests to monitor my estrogen levels.
This afternoon I realized that it has been 2 weeks since our legal Adoption papers were mailed to us and they haven't arrived yet. I checked the tracking number and it showed that the package exists but there is no further record of it's whereabouts. I started to have a little panic, then decided that it would be a waste of a perfectly good afternoon. I sent a few emails and decided to trust that God has it under control. A second prayer request that I have is that my estrogen meds will make it through customs in time for me to start them on the 23rd of this month.
So tentatively, depending on the timely development of my endrometrium (the lining of my uterus) the FET (Fetal Embryo Transfer) will be on October 17th! Ahhhhh! Mark it on your calendar and pray for our little Embryos to thaw safely and to attach to their temporary home!
This afternoon I realized that it has been 2 weeks since our legal Adoption papers were mailed to us and they haven't arrived yet. I checked the tracking number and it showed that the package exists but there is no further record of it's whereabouts. I started to have a little panic, then decided that it would be a waste of a perfectly good afternoon. I sent a few emails and decided to trust that God has it under control. A second prayer request that I have is that my estrogen meds will make it through customs in time for me to start them on the 23rd of this month.
So tentatively, depending on the timely development of my endrometrium (the lining of my uterus) the FET (Fetal Embryo Transfer) will be on October 17th! Ahhhhh! Mark it on your calendar and pray for our little Embryos to thaw safely and to attach to their temporary home!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Sigh
My heart sunk to my toes as my beloved motorcycle drove away down the driveway today. A sacrifice for clinic fees, the money went into our baby fund. We sold my bike for our asking price; a small miracle to remind me that God will provide. The reality is, I won't be riding for at least another year, so I don't need it anyways. I'm sure I'd love to look at it, a symbol of my youth and freedom, as I pat my growing belly. Reason won out and I parted with my iron steed...for now anyways.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Hijacked Hormones
The countdown has begun! October is just around the corner and it is time to prepare my body to accept the two precious Embryos that we have waited so long for. My heart has been "pregnant" for two years already! Now, as my hormones have been hijacked, my body is beginning to feel pregnant too!
The idea is to copy my natural hormone cycle with prescribed hormones to make my body feel pregnant so it embraces the Embryos when they are transferred to my womb mid October. I have started taking birth control which is a low dose estrogen, simulating pregnancy. Because my uterus isn't actually on board with this plan, in a couple weeks I will start taking supplemental estrogen in increasing amounts to stimulate the lining of my uterus to increase. Closer to the day of transfer, we will add progesterone to the mix and decrease estrogen. It's all hormones from now until next July!
It is rather surreal to be actually taking physical steps towards the finality of this family adventure! The legal papers have been notarized and are coming our way. Once we have them, we will forward them to the clinic and start setting appointment dates and planning flights!
Symptoms: So far, I am feeling the typical birth control symptoms; water retention, mid afternoon nausea and breast tenderness.
The idea is to copy my natural hormone cycle with prescribed hormones to make my body feel pregnant so it embraces the Embryos when they are transferred to my womb mid October. I have started taking birth control which is a low dose estrogen, simulating pregnancy. Because my uterus isn't actually on board with this plan, in a couple weeks I will start taking supplemental estrogen in increasing amounts to stimulate the lining of my uterus to increase. Closer to the day of transfer, we will add progesterone to the mix and decrease estrogen. It's all hormones from now until next July!
It is rather surreal to be actually taking physical steps towards the finality of this family adventure! The legal papers have been notarized and are coming our way. Once we have them, we will forward them to the clinic and start setting appointment dates and planning flights!
Symptoms: So far, I am feeling the typical birth control symptoms; water retention, mid afternoon nausea and breast tenderness.
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