Update

Since my last post, things haven't been exactly peachy. My blood test results continued to show my beta hCG levels dropping to zero. For our own need of certainty before pulling the plug by ceasing hormone treatment, I had an ultrasound on Monday to see if either embryo was still in my uterus. For a brief and scary moment, the ultrasound technician though that she saw an embryo growing on my ovary. After consulting the Radiologist, it was determined to be just a cyst. I stopped taking hormone injections and am still waiting for the inevitable flow to start.
As usual, I did some research on the internet about ectopic pregnancies and found that there is a higher occurrence following FET because the embryos are put into the uterus in an upward direction and can by their momentum move up the fallopian tube. 98% of ectopics are tubal pregnancies, attaching to the inside of the fallopian tube. 2% are ovarian or abdominal pregnancies, attaching to an ovary or somewhere inside the abdomen. These pregnancies are considered to be not viable because they often cause internal bleeding when the baby grows big enough to burst the fallopian tube causing internal bleeding which is often fatal to the mother. In rare cases, a mother has risked all odds and delivered a healthy baby by cesarean section; women like this will forever be my heroes! Medical science does not consider this to be heroic, but foolish. I am inspired women who are convicted that a baby is worth risking all for!
Time is slowly healing my heartache. We are praying for direction on what God has for us next. We still have hope. God has blessed us with the beautiful family that we already have and so far we all still have room in our hearts for more. We will see where that leads. Thank you for all your prayers, we have surely felt them!

Pain Chronicles

For the record, I was blissfully pregnant for 2 weeks. We loved and talked to our babies every day. We prayed for them and blessed them, our kids frequently kissed and talked to my tummy.
Tomorrow morning I will call the clinic for my blood test results, maybe for the last time. Mondays blood test indicated that the embryos have stopped growing. Today's blood test is most likely going to confirm that outcome.
Half of me wants to believe that a radical miracle will take place in my body, the other half of me wants to assume the fetal position and try to recover from the crushing pain.
I know that the hardest part is ahead of me and I lack the strength to walk it out. I trust that God will not leave me; His grace is sufficient for even this.